Short answer: relax, use a lot of thick water-based lubricant, start small, and always use a toy with a flared base. Stop if it hurts.
The five rules
- Relax first. The anal muscles tighten when you are tense. Arousal, a warm bath or manual stimulation first all help.
- Lubricant, and lots of it. The anus does not self-lubricate. Use a thick water-based gel, and re-apply.
- Start small. A small plug or a finger is plenty. Size comes later, if ever.
- Flared base only. Anything inserted without a flared base can slip too far in and need medical removal.
- Go slowly and stop if it hurts. Pain is a signal, not a hurdle.
Choosing a first toy
Smooth silicone is the best material: soft, non-porous and easy to clean. A tapered tip makes insertion easier. A graduated set lets you progress at your own pace.
Lubricant
Use water-based lubricant with silicone toys. See our lubricant guide.
Hygiene and safety
- Wash toys before and after. Never move an anal toy to the vagina without washing it, or covering it with a fresh condom.
- Use a condom with partners to reduce the risk of infection.
- A little bleeding, persistent pain or fever afterwards should be checked by a GP.
- Avoid numbing creams; they hide the warning signs.
For terminology, see the glossary, including pegging and prostate massage.
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Frequently asked questions
Is anal play safe?
Yes, with preparation, lubricant, a flared-base toy and no force. Stop if it hurts.
What is the best first anal toy?
A small smooth silicone plug with a flared base, or a graduated set.
Do I need an enema or douche?
Not necessarily. A shower beforehand is usually enough for most people.
Can anal play cause damage?
Rushing, too little lubricant or an oversized toy can cause small tears. Go slowly and stop if it hurts.