Short answer: the easiest shared toy is a vibrating ring, followed by a remote-controlled toy for foreplay. Add a good lubricant and a bit of curiosity.
Why toys help later in life
- Arousal often takes longer and needs more direct stimulation, which a vibrator provides reliably.
- Lubrication changes, particularly around and after the menopause, so a lubricant becomes essential rather than optional.
- Erections can be less firm or less reliable, and a ring can help maintain them.
- Toys can take the pressure off performance and put the focus back on pleasure.
Starter toys for two
Vibrating rings
Worn at the base of the penis, with a stimulator that sits against the clitoris. No learning curve, and both partners benefit.
Remote-controlled toys for foreplay
Hand over the remote and let your partner decide. Remote eggs and panty vibrators are the easiest way to build anticipation before an evening out or before bed.
Wearable couples massager
Don't forget the basics
A good lubricant does more for comfort than any toy. And if desire or erections have changed more than you expected, a blood test can rule out hormonal causes: see low libido and our hormone tests.
More guides
Sex glossary
What swinging, pegging, rimming, DP, DV and 45 more terms mean.
Best vibrators for beginners
How to choose a first vibrator.
Water-based vs silicone vs hybrid lubricant
Which lubricant suits you, and which not to use with toys.
LELO vs Svakom
A straightforward brand comparison.
Cock rings and penis pumps
How they work and how to use them safely.
Anal play for beginners
The simple rules for starting safely.
Frequently asked questions
What is the best sex toy for a couple new to toys?
A vibrating ring is the simplest: it works with intercourse and needs no preparation.
Can toys help with erection problems?
A ring can help some men maintain an erection. Persistent erection difficulty can have medical causes, so mention it to a GP.
Will using toys make my partner feel replaced?
Not usually, when it is a shared decision. Choose together and treat the toy as an addition to what you already do.
Do toys help with vaginal dryness?
Lubricant helps most. Toys can help with arousal, which in turn helps natural lubrication.