Sex Glossary: What the Terms Mean

These are plain definitions, not instructions. Terms are listed alphabetically; where something carries a health or safety consideration we say so. Everything here is for adults and assumes consent, which can be withdrawn at any time.

Guides to go with this glossary

A to Z

Aftercare

Time spent afterwards looking after each other, physically and emotionally: a drink, a cuddle, a chat, checking in. Most associated with kink and BDSM, but useful after any intense experience.

Anal play

Sexual stimulation of the anus, with fingers, a tongue, a toy or a penis. The anus does not self-lubricate and the tissue is delicate, so go slowly, use plenty of lubricant and use toys with a flared base. See our beginner's guide to anal play.

BDSM

An umbrella term for Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, and Sadism and Masochism. It describes consensual power play, restraint and sensation play, built on negotiation and trust.

Bi-curious

Someone who identifies as mostly straight or mostly gay but is curious about experiences with the same or other gender.

Bondage

Restricting movement for pleasure, for example with soft restraints, tape or rope. Agree limits and a safeword first, never restrict breathing, and never leave a restrained person alone.

Cock ring

A ring worn at the base of the penis (and sometimes around the testicles) to help maintain an erection or add sensation. Vibrating versions also stimulate a partner. Choose stretchy silicone, never leave one on for more than about 30 minutes, and remove it if it hurts or the skin changes colour. More here.

Consent

Freely given, informed, enthusiastic agreement to a specific activity, and one that can be withdrawn at any time. Silence or a past yes is not consent. Everything in this glossary assumes it.

Cuckolding

A consensual arrangement in which one partner enjoys watching or knowing that their partner is with someone else. The key word is consensual: it requires open, honest negotiation to work.

Cunnilingus

Oral sex performed on a woman's vulva and clitoris.

DA (double anal)

Two penetrations of the anus at once, usually in group scenes. Mostly seen in porn. It requires considerable preparation, lubricant, and experience, and carries a higher risk of tearing, so it is not something to try casually.

Dental dam

A thin, flexible square of latex or polyurethane placed over the vulva or anus during oral sex to reduce the risk of passing on infections. Glyde vegan dams are an example.

Dirty talk

Using explicit or suggestive language during sex or foreplay. It can be as simple as telling a partner what you enjoy.

Dominance and submission (D/s)

A consensual dynamic in which one partner takes the lead and the other follows, in the bedroom or beyond. The submissive partner is usually the one setting the limits.

DP (double penetration)

Two penetrations at the same time, either two penises or a penis and a toy, in the vagina and anus. It is commonly portrayed in porn but takes preparation, plenty of lubricant, patience and clear communication.

DV (double vaginal)

Two penetrations of the vagina at once, for example a penis and a dildo. Like other double penetration, it is much more common in porn than in real life, and it needs warm-up, generous lubricant and a partner who can say stop.

Edging

Bringing yourself or a partner close to orgasm repeatedly and then backing off before it, to build intensity. Also called "orgasm control" when practised on a partner.

Erectile dysfunction (ED)

Difficulty getting or keeping an erection firm enough for sex. Common, often treatable, and sometimes an early sign of other health conditions, so worth mentioning to a GP. See our erectile dysfunction guide.

Fellatio

Oral sex performed on a penis.

Fetish

A strong sexual interest in an object, material or body part, such as leather, feet or high heels. Fetishes are common and harmless when consensual.

Fisting

Insertion of a hand into the vagina or anus. It requires very gradual progression, a large amount of lubricant, trimmed nails and no sharing of gloves between partners. Not a beginner activity.

Foreplay

Anything that builds arousal before intercourse: kissing, touching, massage, oral sex, talking. Often the part that matters most for women's pleasure.

G-spot

A sensitive area on the front wall of the vagina, a few centimetres inside, which some women find pleasurable to stimulate. Curved vibrators and "come-hither" motions are designed for it.

Hotwife

A consensual arrangement in which a woman has sex with other men, with her husband's or partner's knowledge and enthusiasm. Related to cuckolding and swinging.

Kegel exercises

Pelvic-floor exercises, squeezing and releasing the muscles you would use to stop urine. They can improve bladder control and sexual function in both men and women.

Kink

Sexual interests outside the conventional ("vanilla"), from light bondage to role play to fetishes. A wide spectrum.

Libido (sex drive)

The level of interest in sex. It naturally varies between people and across a lifetime; a persistent, unexplained drop can have hormonal, medical or emotional causes. See low libido.

Lube

Short for lubricant. See our guide to water-based, silicone and hybrid lubricants.

Menopause and perimenopause

The transition in which oestrogen falls and periods stop. It commonly affects desire, arousal and comfort during sex. See menopause and sex.

Monogamish

A mostly monogamous relationship that allows occasional, agreed outside experiences.

Open relationship

A relationship in which partners agree that one or both can have sexual or romantic connections with other people. Rules vary widely, from "no feelings" to full freedom.

Orgasm control

One partner deciding when the other is allowed to orgasm, in a consensual dynamic.

Painful sex (dyspareunia)

Pain during or after intercourse. It is common, rarely resolves on its own and usually has a treatable cause. See painful sex and vaginal dryness.

Pegging

When a woman penetrates a man's anus with a strap-on dildo. It stimulates the prostate, and is a more popular activity among heterosexual couples than commonly assumed. Use a harness that fits, a beginner-sized toy and plenty of water-based lubricant. Anal toys and strap-on harnesses are in the shop.

Performance anxiety

Worry about how you will perform sexually, which itself makes problems more likely. Very common, and usually improves with the right approach. See sexual performance anxiety.

Polyamory

Having more than one loving relationship at a time, with everyone's knowledge and consent. Different from swinging, which is mostly about sex without emotional involvement.

Prostate massage

Stimulating the prostate gland through the anus or the perineum, with a finger or a purpose-made toy. Many men find it pleasurable. Choose a toy with a flared base and use lubricant. Prostate massagers.

Rimming (anilingus)

Oral stimulation of the anus. It can pass on bacteria and infections including hepatitis A and B, herpes, HPV and parasites, so washing beforehand and using a dental dam reduce the risk. Vaccination against hepatitis A and B is recommended for people who engage in it.

Role play

Acting out a scenario or character for fun, from a "stranger at a bar" to a nurse and patient. Agree the story and the limits first.

Safeword

A pre-agreed word that means stop immediately, no questions asked. Many people use "red" for stop, "amber" for slow down and "green" for continue.

Sensory play

Using sensation such as touch, temperature, blindfolds or feathers to heighten arousal.

Sexting

Sending sexual messages or images by phone. Only with someone you trust, and only if both are adults.

Sixty-nine (69)

Mutual oral sex, with two people simultaneously pleasuring each other.

Squirting

The expulsion of fluid from the urethra during sexual arousal or orgasm by some women. It is normal and not a sign of anything wrong.

Strap-on

A dildo worn on a harness around the hips, used for penetration by whoever is wearing it. Used by lesbian couples, in pegging, and by anyone who enjoys it.

Swinging

Couples having sex with other people, usually together or in the same venue, for fun rather than for emotional connection. Also called "the lifestyle". It works best with clear rules agreed in advance, honest communication and condoms.

Tantric sex

A slow, mindful approach to sex drawn from Eastern traditions, emphasising breathing, eye contact and presence over orgasm.

Threesome

Sex involving three people. Agreement and communication matter more than the logistics, and everyone should feel equally included.

Vaginal dryness

Reduced natural lubrication, common around and after the menopause and with some medicines. A water-based lubricant and a vaginal moisturiser help; see our lubricant guide and painful sex.

Vanilla

Conventional, non-kinky sex. Not an insult: most people's sex lives are mostly vanilla.

Vibrator

A device that vibrates, for external or internal stimulation. Choosing one.

Voyeurism

Deriving pleasure from watching others, consensually. Watching people without their knowledge is a crime.

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